It's been a long time since I've had a dream. Was it because I took a photo of the rose yesterday, that reminded me of her cheeks? Or is it because I've had some silk roses in the back of my car, that need to be put at her grave, for weeks? Pangs of guilt hit me as I took the groceries out of it last night, in the dark. The white roses glowed by the light of the trunk. Maybe it's because I realized that I had not sent the Sympathy card or the Thinking of You card I meant to send to a friend. For whatever the reason, good or bad, I don't really care. I'm just glad she made it there.
I think of her so many times and keep the sadness to myself. Can't have anyone saying how bad I took it. I think of her so many times and want to share how much I love her and miss her. Don't want anyone to think I've forgotten her! Grief is such a tricky thing. You can never do it just right to please anyone else. So I don't try. It is what it is. I decided a long time ago to feel sad when I am sad and happy when I'm happy. That's the only way I know that at least my grief will be true.
I got up and put on my ipod, did a workout to songs in a shuffle. The dream and her memory lingered throughout the sweat and steps. When I was finished, as I was walking up the stairs to shower and get ready for the day, the random song that played next was "To make you feel my love" by Adele. That's when I really lost it! I will tell you that she is near. Really near. Damn Brain Aneurysm!
